The Great Debate...

I'm not the type of person to get all serious and preachy...believe me life is to short for that. I'd much rather laugh and make light of things than focus on all the negativity that goes on in the world. But I guess there's a topic out there that's been on my mind lately and I really feel like I need to discuss it. So recently, Houston rapper Slim Thug made some very disheartening comments about black women that maybe annoyed me just a little. Honestly...my first thought was who the eff even cares what the f*ck Slim Thug has to say about anyone...who is this dude...and why is he even getting interviewed. But because it's not the first time I've heard dumb comments about black women from a rapper or black athlete...it really got me thinking. Basically he was saying that all black women are gold diggers, our standards are too high, and that the only reason he stays with his current girlfriend is because she is half white and that's the part of her that does what he says. I guess it was just a list of the reasons he prefers women of other races over black women. Ugh...this debate has been raging on and on in the black community for like ever: why is it that SOME black men prefer women who are either light skinned, mixed, white, or "exotic" looking? And of course as a black woman I wondered the same thing myself. Don't get me wrong...its okay to have a preference (I myself prefer darker skinned men) but SOME men take it from just a preference to a place where they will ONLY date these types of women. I'll admit...until very recently this was something that actually hurt my feelings. I mean...was I not just as beautiful as a lighter skinned girl? Adding to my discomfort was the fact that for a greater part of my childhood I was the only black girl in every one of my classes. Every image I was exposed to (rap videos, TV shows, and other media) told me that what I looked like was not the ideal beauty. It stung to be told that "I was pretty for a black girl" and that "I had nice hair for a black girl". Why couldn't I just be pretty for me. But with confidence and age I have learned that I could care less about the preferences of SOME black men. Whether they prefer my "type" of beauty or not really has nothing to do with me at all. I am no longer offended by men who only find the "red" girls attractive, the guys who will look past me because I don't possess the silky smooth hair of an Asian girl, or the guys who think that because I am a black woman that I am only capable of rolling my neck and snapping my fingers. I only desire to be loved by someone who can appreciate me for everything that I am which includes what I look like physically. I will no longer hold my tongue in an effort to avoid the "angry black women" stereotype. I'm not mad at men who only date white women or light skinned women. And I could care less anymore if the lead girl in every rap video is a Brazilian with hair down to her ass. None of it is a reflection on my beauty. In learning to love yourself the opinions of others will matter less and less. I know not every black man feels this way...but there are quite a few that do. I only seek to understand why they feel that they are only attracted to these types of women...not get mad or try to convince them that I too am beautiful. What would I even gain from changing their mind? I certainly would not gain anymore confidence than I already have because confidence is not gained from the opinions of others. At the end of the day, every women (black, white, whatever) deserves to be loved for all the unique qualities they posses and not just because they fit into some stereotype of beauty that has been shoved down the throats of men for ages. I wish that black women could just let go of their bitterness because honestly no man should be able to define you. But no matter what, I will always love black men...even if sometimes they chose not to love me back.