Boys not to date...

Today...I realized that I have the WORST taste in guys. I don't know how...but I always attract the most ridiculous people on the planet...or better yet, I'm attracted to the most ridiculous people on the planet. Its like I have this uncanny ability to walk into a room...any room, and find the most undateable guy. I'm annoyed with my inability to pick 'em. I should just give up now and get 7 cats (I f*ckin hate cats btw). I'm not even one of those super picky girls with a list of 100 things I need. Just be tall, funny and not crazy. But there are just some types of guys that you should just stay away from all together.

1. Guys with neck tattoos. If they make those kinds of bad decisions...u shouldn't date them.

2. Guys who text you lines from rap songs as compliments. ex. You to fine to be layin down in bed alone. That would only work if Drake himself said that to me.

3. Guys who complain alot. "Why don't you ever text me or call me first" waahhh cry cry. F*ckin baby...man up.

4. Guys with golds in their mouths. No explanation needed. And Goons need not apply.

5. Guys who wear rosaries...when they aren't praying...or Catholic. Meet a few...all jerks.

6. Guys who txt you at 3am...on a Tuesday.

7. Guys who are over confident and think they are God's gift to women and lick their lips alot

8. Guys who have a twitter...and interrupt you to tweet or laugh at someone else's tweets.

9. Guys who live at home and make you take off your shoes to tip toe to their rooms.

10. Guys who don't live in the same state as you. Even if they are fine track stars from Virgina.

11. Guys who call girls bitches and hoes...and not in a joking way.

12. Guys who flirt with EVERYONE.

13. Guys who cant unhook a bra by themselves.

14. Guys who are overly sensitive and want you to be their girlfriend after a week.

15. Guys who brag about their skills or size

16. Guys who ask when your parents are going out of town

17. Guys with both of their ears pierced

18. Guys who think licking your face qualifies as kissing

19. Guys who ask you to be their friend with benefits

20. Guys you meet while drunk

21. Guys who send you pictures of their penis

22. Guys who can't spell

23. Guys who are Jamaican

24. Guys who ask you what your favorite position is

25. Guys who whisper creepily in your ear

26. Guys with the same first name as your father.

27. Guys who were born in the 90's

Avoid these guys at all cost. Your life will be much happier and less annoying.

F*ck these N*ggas!!

It all started in Mrs. Holiday's kindergarten class when I met my first crush, Jamal January. Sure I was only five years old at the time but he had to be THE finest boy in all of my Elementary School. Since that moment there was always a guy that I thought I was head over heels for...scribbling their names on my notebooks, trying to figure out how to sit next to them at lunch, and begging my best friend to find out if he liked me. Ugh...16 years later nothing has really changed. At the age of 21 I'm still just as boy crazy as I was in middle school. Instead of scribbling their names on my notebooks, I'm constantly thinking about them. No more trying to sit next to them at lunch...I'm trying to find out where they are gonna be this weekend and how I can get there. And well...I guess I could still use my best friend to find out if they like me...but knowing her she would just tell them I like them instead. I'm friends with some really smart ladies...why is it that every time we get together we are dishing about boys. I mean we don't have to discuss economic policies or Russian literature...but do they have to DOMINATE all of our convos? After a decade and a half of liking boys...I'm so exhausted. The crushing, the constant texting (dear god the texting), the hating them,the disappointment, the heartbreak, then the loving them again. I really cant stand it anymore. Its like a part time effin job! You haven't lived until you have been on the phone with one guy, while texting two other guys, all while having a facebook chat with another. And its not just the single life that's exhausting...being in a relationship is equally as draining. Try writing a paper or completing a problem set while crying over your latest relationship woes. Try breaking up like every week for a month and them tell me how you feel at the end of it. I'm starting to see that so many girls let guys control their lives (including me). I've seen the most beautiful and intelligent girls reduced to a stuttering pile of mush over a guy. This by no means is to bash guys (I still freakin love the hell out of them) but perhaps a wake up call to all the girls in the world who obsess over them. Why do that when I'm sure guys are not doing the same thing over us? Yea I doubt dudes are waiting by their phone for you to text or call them. As girls I feel like we give of our emotions to easily. Last week I had a guy tell me that I made him feel like a girl because he was the one constantly trying to chill with me...and I acted like a guy because I had no emotions. Honestly, I think I'm just to tired to care...I've given away to much of myself to guys over the years. So now I'm at the point where I might join a nunnery...okay maybe I'll just take a break from them (let's not get crazy!). I'm just so mad that they make me like them! So in the immortal words of Weezy F. Baby...F*ck these N*ggas!!

Good Girl Gone Bad?

Being a girl is tough. We have to shave/wax/pluck practically every inch of our bodies for boys who rarely appreciate it, fit into the tightest clothes and tallest heels, we get paid less and have a harder time climbing the corporate ladder. And on top of that, one day go we will go through the excruciating pain of birthing a bowling ball sized human being. F*ck...this sh*t is exhausting!! And a recent conversation with two of the homies (one a guy, the other a girl) also got me thinking about another way that all the women in the world have it hard. After the demise of a three year relationship I find myself single (and loving it) and the thought of having another boyfriend anytime soon usually results in a stank face or a dry heave from me. So the problem for many ladies like muah becomes whether or not to hook up with random guys and possibly be labeled a "shone" or to enter the dreaded world of relationshipdom...again. Obviously for a guy...the answer is simple...but for us ladies it the sharpest double edged sword. Everyday of my new single life I find it harder and harder to resist the urge to completely ditch the good girl persona...and well be bad...very very bad(You boys make it so easy). I was always the main person to condemn girls who slept around...but what's a girl to do when a having a boyfriend isn't an option. Should we sleep alone every night? Ugh...the thought of that is depressing as hell. Why is it that casual sex for guys is normal...but for girls...it perhaps the worst thing she can do to herself? Guys will condemn her...and so will other girls *guilty face* Maybe that's what being single is about...trying to find a healthy balance between being a complete and total slore and being frigid and miserable. This double standard isn't anything new...but its new to me because I've never had to really deal with it before. Yea...being a girl is tough...but being a good girl is hard as f*ck.

I love Boys...

I'm honestly not sure if I can choose which of the following three things dominate my mind the most : fashion, music or boys. The way that I feel when I listen to my favorite song is similar to the way I felt when I first saw the bronze Gucci platforms from last season and the way I feel when I see a gorgeous boy. Its a heart stopping, I can't breath, dizzy, and ridiculously happy feeling. But some boys make me consider deleting all my music and never shopping again if only I could have them. Yes...they are that amazing. And of course I'm going to tell u who they are...in no particular order.

Tremaine "Trey Songz" Neverson



OH...EMM...GEEE! *fans self* There is something about him that literally melts me inside. I will admit that when he came out I was like who is that skinny ass dude with these whack braids ( I HATE braids on guys...you are not a 12 year old girl sir). But I can remember the exact moment that I fell in love with this dude. It was halfway through the Last Time video...when he was standing in the elevator lookin' all kinds of sexy. He had cut his hair and hit the gym...hard. Ya girl almost passed out...and since then he has been number one on my list. Not to mention that his voice is delicious and I LOVE his music. I find his talent just as sexy as his perfect teeth and chiseled abs. Yes I did watch the invented sex video 278489391 times *clutches pearls* And yes I was hella jealous of the lead girl in that video. I've always been anti-Ice in the bed...but Trey made me want to try some new things. Let me stop talkin about this before I have to go watch that damn video again...OH Tremaine!

Aubrey "Drizzy Drake" Graham



I mean...I feel like alot of chicks are tryin me by saying they are Drake's number one fan. Excuse you ma'am, but I have been watching Degrassi since I was in middle school and I had a crush on Aubrey (yes Aubrey) since I was like 11 years old. I even liked him when he had that little curly baby fro and no tape line. This dude is toooo fine to me...and that deep voice of his is mmm mmm...good. Once again...I'm attracted to his talent as well as his looks. When I heard him on the For My Town chorus...I had to wipe the drool off my chin cuz that voice does some magical sh*t to me. Drake you know you are too special to be on this list because light skinned boys usually aren't my cup-o-tea and you are border-line white AND you dropped out of high school...smh. But damn are you tall and fine. I'm waiting for some shirtless photos of you...seriously...been waiting.

Marion "Pooch" Hall Jr.



Out of all the people that will make this list...Pooch is the only one that I would want to marry. Lets forget for one second that this dude already has a wife...and kids and travel on a journey with me. *cue dream sequence* Imagine waking up every morning to that face...and although the picture I provided of him is fully clothed...please believe that this dudes body is BANANAS! And he has the one thing that I value more than looks and talent...intelligence. Yes...he graduated from Dartmouth *swoons* There is nothing like a smart man to make a girl forget her morals. Believe me...I know. I've already compromised myself once just to see your sexy self. I will never forget the day that I braved the ghettoness and tom-foolery that is Venue Nightclub just to get a glimpse of you. If thats not love I don't know what is. If you know me...you know that The Game is like my FAV show...and of course Derwin Davis is my FAV character..even though he did Melanie sooo wrong. But I can see why she took him back...look at him!! Damn me and my morals...cuz I would pull a Gabby and wreck that Union.

Jesse Williams



I know I'm the first one hollering about how light skinned boys are out of style...but Jesse Wiliams is a gorgeous human being. After forever of not watching Grey's Anatomy I decided to crank up the old DVR and catch up. And boy did I miss alot! They added an entire new character (Jesse of course) and that show has never been more interesting than at that moment. Then I saw him in the movie Brooklyn's Finest and nearly lost my marbles (mind you while sitting next to my then boyfriend). I had to apologize for my outburst and concentrate on paying attention to the plot. Luckily he wasn't a main character because I would have never made it through that movie. What can I say about him...those eyes...that face. Its enough to make a girl turn psycho stalker. Yes...I still have the fashion spread he did in Cosmo...and yes...I still look at those photos. Can you blame me?

Idrissa "Idris" Akuna Elba



You know how some people have some very specific and strange traits that they are attracted to? Well for me...its tall, dark, and fine African men with British accents. Yes Idris is all of those things. He grew up in London and his parents are Sierra Leonean and Ghanaian. When I first heard that sexy accent I was shocked! I already loved him because he was tall, dark, and sexy...but then he spoke and my jaw dropped! Every random characteristic that I liked that I never thought I would find...it was all there. To top it all off...he is a freakin DJ! I think someone is messing with my head..he is toooo perfect. He was also the only good thing about the movie Obsessed (hot mess). He is a fantastic actor and any movie that he is in...I will be first in line to see. MMMmmmm..he is such a delicious grown man...I can't even stand it. He could teach me a few things...

President Barack Obama



So this is probably highly inappropriate...but I have a massive crush on the President of the United States of America. Sure he is like the same age as my dad...but I think his gray hair makes him look distinguished...oh and dead sexy! How could you not be attracted to one of the most powerful men in the world...so eloquent and well spoken with a gorgeous set of teeth. Come on! He's a Harvard Law grad...and he wears suits all the time. I'm sorry Michelle, I love you (and your fashion sense) but I want your husband. Man...maybe I should look into interning at the White House...