Facebook Creepin..

Facebook.com...or as I like to call it procrastination.com or bored.com, is slowly turning into a stalkers paradise. Where else can you look through hundreds of photos of someone, read their random thoughts via status updates, and find out that they like Chipotle burritos, Lil Wayne, and "slapping who ever drank the last of the milk." Well, maybe Myspace...but what am I? 12? No. Even without looking at a person's page almost everything they do, comment on, or like shows up in that damn creepfeed. Its pretty much impossible to go on facebook without accidentally stalking/creeping someone that you may or may not know. We've all found ourselves looking at photo 457 of 765 photos while sitting on the couch eating a bag of chips when we are supposed to be writing page 7 of our 15 page research paper. I guess its only natural to be curious about the lives of others, but just like most things in life, there are certain rules that one should follow while Facebook creeping someone else. And of course I'm here to share with you these very very important rules. Thank me later.

1. Just like fight club the number one rule of Facebook creeping is to NEVER talk about facebook creeping. I'll explain. How weird would it be if you just happen to mention to a person you barely know how much fun it looked like they were having on the service trip they took to Guatemala 2 summers ago? You were obviously creeping their photo albums...and even though everyone does it, it is not acceptable to talk about it. So if that person that you had a group project with last semester happens to mention that very service trip...look shocked and surprised because your ass is def not supposed to know about it.

2. NEVER creep on someone in the library or on other public computers. You do realize that people walk behind you all the time in the library and in computer labs right? Therefore they can see that you are creeping photos from the beach trip that your crush just took. So chances are, while you are drooling over how fine he looks in those swim trunks, they are staring at you like wtf are you are doing. Even worse, what if the person you are creeping walks by and sees you staring at their page. That's pretty much a situation that you can NEVER recover from.

3. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT creep someone from your cell phone. Almost every other day I accidentally like someones status because my phone is retarded. Actually, that happened to me today when I wasn't even creeping anyone. I was simply scrolling through my news feed and liked a status that had NOTHING to do with me belonging to someone I barely know. With the popularity of touch screen phones you'd be surprised how many things I've accidentally liked or how many people I've accidentally poked. (Poking is lame btw...don't do it.)

4. Keep your creeping to the people on your friends list. I know its hard...you go on a friends page to make a wall post and see a post from a person you don't know at the very top. You wonder who they are, click on their page, and next thing you know you're looking at their '07 prom and graduation pics. You took it way to far with the creeping, considering you only have that one friend in common. Its really weird to creep people that you don't know AT ALL. We've all done it though. Your friend has a new girl friend...lets facebook her. Cute guy writes on your best friends page....how does she know him? Take a deep breath and resist the urge to look through all 678 photos of this person.

5. Finally, if you insist upon creeping people back to the very existence of their facebook page, ABSOLUTELY, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LIKE OR COMMENT ON ANY POST THAT PRE-DATES YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDSHIP!! I don't think I can stress this one enough. Its written in all caps for goodness sakes, and I hate when people do that shiz. If we just become friends today and tomorrow I see you liked a status I made 2 years ago...I will know that you are a creeper and will be forced to put you on limited profile view along with my mom, little sister, and ex boyfriend. And no one wants to be banished into the land of limited profile view...its embarrassing. So control your urge to press the like button.

I hope that these rules help all my fellow facebook creepers of the world. There's almost 500 million people on facebook...so happy creeping =)

Back to school...

So today it might have hit me...I will be returning to school for my final year of college in 11 days. It probably hit me because I was looking at my tuition statement and silently crying to myself. But while I'm kind of bummed about being a senior (and having no effin idea what I want to do when I graduate), I am excited to be back on campus. There are so many reasons why I'm excited to leave home and even more reasons I'm excited to go back to school (none of them have to do with class). So like everything else in my life I'm going to make a list. These are the top 10 reasons I'm happy summer is over and its back to school time.

1. End of slavery! So apparently my parents didn't get the memo that slavery has been over since 1865. The amount of cooking and cleaning I do for my family on a daily basis without any help is appalling. Making a meal for one will be a welcome treat come fall.

2. Out with the old and in with the new! I finally get to ditch the guys I've been trying to avoid all summer. Theres no better excuse as to why I can't chill than...oh I'm kind of hundreds of miles away. Sorry....

3. Back to school shopping! Yes going back to school for me means that I must go shopping for my apartment and myself...oh and probably buy a pencil or two. Whatever I'm shopping for, it doesn't matter. I love to buy things.

4. No more sober Wednesdays! I've had my share of drunk fun this summer but not nearly as much as I do during the school year. Going out in South Florida is a difficult process that requires communication and planning. I will need at least a days notice and then have to worry about who is driving. In the fall...ten minutes notice and I'll be dressed and headed out the door.

5.No more sharing! Not only will I get to go back to my apartment where I have my own beautiful bathroom...I don't have to constantly worry about my dad eating all of my cereal and stealing the leftovers I bring home from restaurants. You have no idea how upsetting it is to want to eat your left over sweet and sour chicken only to see the empty container in the garbage.

6.Freedom! No longer will I have to trick the security guards at my gate and then sneak out of my house. I didn't realize how living in a gated community would impede me lying to my parents. Even though I've mastered the art of sneaking in and out of my neighborhood...every time I do it my palms get all sweaty and my heart beats all fast. Soon leaving my house at 1am and returning after the sun comes up will no longer be a problem.

7. Junk food! My house is the most depressing place on earth. No candy, no soda, no cookies, and basically nothing unhealthy. The first week of being home sans pizza, coke, and sour patch kids resulted in severe withdrawal symptoms. After 2 months I lost 10 freaking pounds. I'm not complaining about that but it would be nice to be able to have a cookie every now and then. No more lectures about how french fries are bad for me.

8. Cell phone service! For some reason my cell phone acts psycho when I'm back home. Lately I've been spending my nights talking on my house phone instead of my very expensive cell phone that doesn't even work in my bedroom. I haven't had to talk on the damn house phone since middle school. It will be nice not to have to curse out my phone every time one of my texts don't send.

9. Privacy! If my parents bust in my room one more time I will snap. No longer will I get chewed out for locking my door or sleeping til 1pm. And when someone comes to the gate to pick me up I won't have to go through the awkwardness of my step mom asking me if that guy is my new boyfriend. I won't have a house full of people in my business at all times.

10. The what are you going to do with your life question! Its like when you are a senior in college everyone feels like they have the right to ask you what you are going to do after you graduate. Hell...if I knew, I'd gladly tell you. 75% of my summer has been spent listening to my parents, and my parents friends, and my grandma lecture me about growing up and becoming independent and blah freakin blah. My parents are way easier to ignore over the phone while I'm watching TV and filing my nails.

Its my senior year. The last year of the best years of my life...I better make this shiz count! It shall be EPIC.

Boys not to date...

Today...I realized that I have the WORST taste in guys. I don't know how...but I always attract the most ridiculous people on the planet...or better yet, I'm attracted to the most ridiculous people on the planet. Its like I have this uncanny ability to walk into a room...any room, and find the most undateable guy. I'm annoyed with my inability to pick 'em. I should just give up now and get 7 cats (I f*ckin hate cats btw). I'm not even one of those super picky girls with a list of 100 things I need. Just be tall, funny and not crazy. But there are just some types of guys that you should just stay away from all together.

1. Guys with neck tattoos. If they make those kinds of bad decisions...u shouldn't date them.

2. Guys who text you lines from rap songs as compliments. ex. You to fine to be layin down in bed alone. That would only work if Drake himself said that to me.

3. Guys who complain alot. "Why don't you ever text me or call me first" waahhh cry cry. F*ckin baby...man up.

4. Guys with golds in their mouths. No explanation needed. And Goons need not apply.

5. Guys who wear rosaries...when they aren't praying...or Catholic. Meet a few...all jerks.

6. Guys who txt you at 3am...on a Tuesday.

7. Guys who are over confident and think they are God's gift to women and lick their lips alot

8. Guys who have a twitter...and interrupt you to tweet or laugh at someone else's tweets.

9. Guys who live at home and make you take off your shoes to tip toe to their rooms.

10. Guys who don't live in the same state as you. Even if they are fine track stars from Virgina.

11. Guys who call girls bitches and hoes...and not in a joking way.

12. Guys who flirt with EVERYONE.

13. Guys who cant unhook a bra by themselves.

14. Guys who are overly sensitive and want you to be their girlfriend after a week.

15. Guys who brag about their skills or size

16. Guys who ask when your parents are going out of town

17. Guys with both of their ears pierced

18. Guys who think licking your face qualifies as kissing

19. Guys who ask you to be their friend with benefits

20. Guys you meet while drunk

21. Guys who send you pictures of their penis

22. Guys who can't spell

23. Guys who are Jamaican

24. Guys who ask you what your favorite position is

25. Guys who whisper creepily in your ear

26. Guys with the same first name as your father.

27. Guys who were born in the 90's

Avoid these guys at all cost. Your life will be much happier and less annoying.