Boys will be boys....

***Disclaimer***
This isn't my usual blogging style. I just couldn't seem to find humor in the situation. Not like me I know. And if you're reading this and you think its about you...theres a good chance its not.

I decided today that men are a lot more clever than I give them credit for. In fact they are brilliant. They fool us into thinking that they are utterly incapable of any sort of intelligent or original thought because really what human being enjoys sitting in front of a video game for hours upon hours. And what sort of human being can live in their own filth like that. We’ve just assumed that because they act like pigs that they have the mental capacity of a pig as well. But they are so clever aren’t they? The way the play us like fools. The way they do everything that a boyfriend would do, without ever fully giving us the title. The way they keep us just close enough so that we’ll still answer their late night texts when they want to “see” us, but far enough away so that you understand being a date to a dinner function is just beyond the scope of your relationship. Because we know that we’re in college and maybe it’s not the right time. We understand that your job takes up so much of your time. And we sympathize with you when you tell us that you just got out of a long term relationship. We rationalize all of the reasons why you can’t commit to us…right now. So we lay in our beds at night content with our title-less pseudo relationships because we are terrified of being left alone with ourselves for even one moment. And we will take gladly 1/6 of you while we give one hundred and fifteen percent of ourselves. We don’t take the time to see the inequity of it all because we are far too busy. Busy day dreaming about you. Busy de-coding your latest text for signs that maybe…just maybe you like us “like that.” To busy holding on to the belief that he couldn’t possibly be saying all the things he says to me and he couldn’t possibly be doing all the things that he does to me if he didn’t like me “like that.” But the truth is, all the reasons he gave you don’t exist. And those reasons we thought up on our own are simply figments of our own befuddled imaginations. Because when a guy likes you and I mean really likes you nothing will stand in the way of him being with you. Not hell nor high water and certainly not “timing.” So when all is said and done we are the ones left confused when he out of the blue has a girlfriend. A girl that he was willing to commit to despite the reasons he spat in your face. And now your heart is in your stomach and your jaw is on the floor because this couldn’t be. What kind of person does that to someone else? I thought he wasn’t ready for a relationship. We didn’t even see it coming. Like being hit by a bus on our way home. A bus that we should have saw coming, but we we didn’t, because felt safe enough not to have to look both ways anymore. But when the story is retold, recounted for the entire world to hear, you are the fool. WE are the fools. The fools who is crying over a guy that was nothing to us. Because did our feelings really exist or even mean a damn thing without the title. Can we even validate our hurt feelings, our anger, our homicidal thoughts toward him if you weren’t really his girlfriend? So we don’t get mad. We don’t raise a fuss and we try not to shed a tear for our glorified fuck buddy. For our intimate associate. And he moves on knowing that he doesn’t owe us an explanation for the way he treated us. Believing wholeheartedly that he has no responsibility for our broken heart. After all, we were never official. He’ll quickly about the good morning baby texts he sent every day or the I miss you phone calls that could last into the wee hours of the morning. Those are just things the guys do to all the girls right? It didn’t mean he actually cared. You’ll just be some girl he smashed back in the day before he met his wife. Just some girl. It’s as if we imagined the whole thing and broke our own hearts. Women are taught to be passive when it comes to love. To give an ultimatum or to demand anything of our lovers is taboo. And we wouldn’t want to break the rules now would we. We wouldn’t want to take control of our own feelings and simply ask the question “what are we?” We will happily sit back and wait for you to tell us what we are or are not. We will wait until the day you tell us that we are…done. That something better has come along and we are no longer needed or desired. And then we are left with what we had all along. Absolutely nothing. Lucky for you though, you got to leave with a souvenir. A giant chunk of us. You know. The part of us that trusts and loves and feels. You took it with you.
I hope it grows back soon.