Thirsty. Typically a word that we associate with how we feel after eating one of those expensive salty ass pretzels from the mall. But that's not the kind of thirsty I'm talking about today. I'm talking about the thirsty ass girls I seem to be surrounded by everyday of my life. What is a thirsty ass b*tch you ask? In one word...desperate. Scratch that...EXTREMELY desperate for some type of play from a guy...any guy. Thirsty ass b*tches come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and they seem to be hiding behind almost every corner. They don't have a man...and if you've got one they want yours. These girls aren't hard to find...and if you see one you'll know. But how do you know if YOU'RE the thirsty b*tch? Well that's why I'm here. After many Friday and Saturday nights (and sometimes Wednesdays) spent conducting highly classified research, I have a composed a short but effective quiz to measure your level of thirstiness. If only one thirsty chick reforms herself after taking this quiz, I wouldn't have conducted those many hours of research in vain.
1. Have you ever attended a sporting event with the sole intention of attracting attention from guys?
If you have gone to a basketball game in stilettos, a face full of makeup, a low cut shirt, tight jeans, and an over sized Louis Vuitton bag that only contains lip gloss and a cell phone...then you might be a thirsty b*tch. Give yourself one point. Give yourself another point if you dint even know the rules of basketball.
2.Have you ever gone to the club in stripper gear and danced provocatively in front of VIP in the hopes that some guy will share his bottle with you?
If you have waited for a Trey Songz song to come on so you can dance like a freak in front of the guys in VIP spending their rent money on bottles of Nuvo and Ciroc in order to get a glass of watered down vodka and cranberry...you might be a thirsty b*tch. Give yourself one point. Give yourself another point if that's the only drink you had that night.
3. Have you ever gone to the gym looking like one of the girls from the Kanye workout plan video?
If you have gone to the gym in too tight spandex shorts, a sports bra more useful for showing off your cleavage than supporting anything, foundation and eyeshadow and your entire outfit was color coordinated...you might be a thirsty b*tch. Give yourself a point. If your hair was also down and you only walked on the treadmill without breaking a sweat...give yourself another point.
4. Have you ever walked past a group of guys and gotten angry that they didn't comment on your appearance?
If you came to campus in your cutest outfit, hair done, nails done, everything did for the sole purpose of walking past the spot where all the athletes hang out and gotten angry when you didn't even get an "aye girl"...then you might be a thirsty b*tch. Give yourself a point. Give yourself an extra point if you walked by more than once that day...and got mad again.
5.Do 75% or more of your facebook profile pics involve you taking pictures in front of the mirror with your blackberry?
If the majority of your profile pictures contain more ass, hips, thighs, and breasts than face...you might be a thirsty b*tch. Give yourself a point. If all of the captions include comments about how fine you are or how big your ass has gotten...give yourself another point.
Now that you have completed the the quiz, it's time to find out your particular level of thirstiness. There are ten possible points. If you scored a two or lower..you could use a glass of water, but never fear there is still time for you to change. If you scored between a three or five...you have reached an unfortunate level of thirstiness. You may need to have a bucket of water dumped on you to quench that thirst. And finally if you scored above a five... THIRTY B*ITCH ALERT!!! I repeat THIRSTY B*TCH ALERT!! You have reached the maximum level of thirstiness. You might want to consider entering a thirsty b*tch rehab program. No amount of water can help you now. Stay thirsty my friends...
